Eyes on the Prize

Food for thought:  Whether I have a superiority complex or an inferiority complex, I am focusing on myself, not on God.


This morning when I woke at 5:00, the first thing I heard was the rain.  I groaned when I realized I would have to drive in the rain and in the dark.  I don't see well in those conditions, so driving feels frightening and unsafe.  I considered climbing back into a warm bed, getting more much-needed sleep, and skipping my trip altogether.  I'd only invested $25, and I reasoned that if I wrecked my car...well, I couldn't afford to wreck my car.

A voice inside asked me, "If you can't face the rain and the dark to do something you want to do now, how will you ever do the harder things you're asked to do?  Besides, there is a reason for you to be there."

I lay back down in bed and stared at my alarm clock's red numbers.  And got back up again.

I am so thankful I did.

On my way to the Women of Faith conference in Pittsburgh, I faced little rain.  I watched an obstructed sunrise brighten the horizon as "10,000 Reasons" played on K-LOVE.  I drove south toward the city and an entire foggy sky turned into a lovely golden haze so I was surrounded by light.  

I didn't even get frustrated about getting lost once...and almost getting lost a second time.  

Sheryl Brady reiterated that there was a reason each of us was present.  Through the combined messages of Tullian Tchividjian and Sheila Walsh I needed to hear that it was okay I didn't get a "promotion" at work earlier this year.  I struggled first with an issue of pride when it happened, and more recently with an issue of self-worth.

Fortunately, God doesn't judge my worth by my failure to get promoted or by reputation at work, and neither should I.  Tchividjian further asserted that I am not defined by how my kids behave, how clean my house is, or how happy my marriage is, especially when compared to someone else's.  I learned that striving for perfection in these areas in my life is a way of defining myself, and defining myself by any of these things is the equivalent of trying to save myself, which will only leave me exhausted.  

This lesson reminded me of the lyrics to two different songs.  First, Big Daddy Weave's Redeemed professes:  "Seems like all I could see was the struggle // Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past // Bound up in shackles of all my failures // Wondering how long is this gonna last // Then You look at this prisoner and say to me // 'Son, stop fighting a fight that's already been won'."  In the second song, The Struggle, Tenth Avenue North proclaims, "Hallelujah // We are free to struggle // We're not struggling to be free // Your blood bough and // Makes us children // Children drop your chains and sing."

I've heard these messages again and again, but today it really sank in:  Jesus freed me, and I can fail as much or as little as I do; it's not what I do that defines me, it's what Jesus did. Tchividjian emphasized the same "inexhaustible grace" that finds it way into the subtitle of his book, "One Way Love:  Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World."

I don't want to be exhausted anymore.  I don't want a superiority complex or an inferiority complex.  Either way, my focus was not in the right place.  I have to keep my eyes on the prize, which has "already been won."  

So for this reason, and many more that will likely be elaborated through future blogs, I am glad I ventured out this morning.  Instead of returning to my cozy bed, I affirmed, "Lord, here I am."

~Hollie